Our Story

During a freediving session, my coach told me to think about a moment in my life that made me feel calm and safe. The scene that came to my mind was a sunset in 2021. The sky was clear, and the entire room was tinted orange by the setting sun. Eva was cooking in the kitchen, loving me enough to let me lay on the couch and watch TV. Chili was lying on the floor, catching his breath after a walk, watching me with those innocent eyes.

At that moment, I realized that I would never be able to forget this love for the rest of my life.     It is my safe island.

To some degree, she loved me like a mother. She bought things for me, cooked for me, adored me, and became my cheerleader. She treated me like her prince, even though she knew I could be dangerous. At the same time, she asked for love from me, like a daughter asking a father. She wanted a sense of security, and she wanted me to understand all her emotions (I understood some, but not all).

She loved me so much that she didn’t hesitate to offer all her entrepreneurial earnings to buy a luxury camera for me (fortunately, that didn’t happen). She didn't care about conventions and tried to persuade her parents to visit my family for our engagement. But that poor guy was a coward. He was too scared to speak to his parents early on, too afraid to mention her name to his family. Yet, he loved her so much that he would spend the rest of his life relishing those four years. That was the first family he ever had where he wasn't just a child.

Unfortunately, the young boy didn’t understand her love and wasn't able to catch it at that time. He was afraid of falling in love and afraid of speaking out about what he felt. And she didn’t try hard enough to understand him (the young boy really needed it, but he didn’t say it out loud). It became a deadly spiral. She couldn’t get into his spiritual world, and our daily companionship covered this problem until the rush to get married tore it open.

Both parties were kind and loving, but neither was a saint. The love he gave involved some unfaithfulness and susceptibility to temptation; her love involved control and indifference. But these flaws made the good parts so precious.

I am sorry that I kept the watch your dad gave you as a graduation gift. I thought that by grabbing onto one of your important things, I was grabbing onto a part of you. Now, I will give it back, and I apologize for possessing it for over a year.

I will carry this love forward, knowing that I deserve this kind of love, and am also able to give it. I will take your love and your gifts as an investment. I will become a better, and hopefully successful person, to show you that you made the best bet on me back then.

I would be happy for you if you could forget this piece of youth, avoiding the sad ending for now. But I would also be happy for you if you still remember this, because it means you know there is always someone loving you.